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Spectrum

Looking at the calendar today I can hardly believe that we’re nearing the end of July. I can say this with quite certainty that this has been the best summer of my life. The first half of 2012 almost succeeded in keeping me down – I chose to end a great, but heart-wrenching chapter in my life, struggled with the challenges of a new role at work and forced myself to just be “ok” with being alone. In January I decided that 2012 would be the year of “letting it go” and for a control freak like me, this is a huge feat. I had held onto an image that I had painted in my head and tried to force my heart to playing along. For anyone who’s tried to do the same, I’m sure they’ve also realized that can never work for the long term. I said goodbye to a great love and set out to rediscover who I am and seek out exactly what I wanted in life – on my terms.

Thank God for friends. When I look back on the past six months, it was my friends who got me through the first half of 2012. There was always something to do! A race, a charity event, a dinner, a crazy night out, yoga, concerts, you name it! I threw myself into every activity that presented itself in my direction and worked to live in the moment. I now realize that I need a life of adventure, spontaneity and FUN. I am so blessed to have friends who reminded me that life should be enjoyed – and that we must soak up all the memories we can while we can!

A funny thing happened in the midst of all that playing. I began to enjoy a life without a partner. I realized I didn’t NEED someone else to make me happy and to give me what I need. I am capable of giving myself what I need and I am capable of creating a beautiful life on my own. And then an even funnier thing happened once I began to enjoy this realization – I met someone. Well we didn’t exactly meet for the first time. He had been in my life peripherally for the past three years, but never would I have ever imagined that he’d play a much larger role in my life.

Life cracks me up. The instant I begin to be OK with being alone – he comes dancing into my life. I don’t want to jump to conclusions (for I am known for getting ahead of myself) about this man and I, but one thing that I always always wanted was to feel safe with someone and I trust him with my life – literally.  It’s the most amazing feeling to truly feel safe and secure – especially for someone who’s sought it out for almost 29 years. There’s no judgment, no shame, no guilt, no wishing I was a little bit different, a little more reserved, a little more polished. To him, I am perfect.

I could go on and on about the qualities he possesses that light me up, but instead I’ll leave you all with a Florence and Machine video. I usually use songs help convey an emotion so this is no different. I’m not sure if all the lyrics tie in, but it’s the chorus and passion exuded in this song that illustrates the feeling in my heart.

postitive thoughts

Thinking positive thoughts for the next 18 hours!!!! YC says that everything happens for a reason and I really hope the events (both good and not so good) that have taken place in my life are about to come together in a really awesome way!

itchy heart

You know that feeling after you scrape your leg and you just want to scratch it because it itches as it’s healing? Yeah I think that’s happening to my heart. 2012 is starting to look a little better…

“I’m gonna end up alone. I’m going to be a single old lady flashing people on the subway.” – New Girl

Yup

If anyone asks,
I’ll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I’ll pretend that I don’t hear them talk
Whenever I see you,
I’ll swallow my pride
and bite my tongue
Pretend I’m okay with it all
Act like there’s nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?

If anyone asks,
I’ll tell them we just grew apart
Yeah what do I care
If they believe me or not
Whenever I feel
Your memory is breaking my heart
I’ll pretend I’m okay with it all
Act like there’s nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?

I’m talking in circles
I’m lying, they know it
Why won’t this just all go away

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?

Finn + Rachel 4 Eva

One day I hope to be loved like Finn loves Rachel in Glee. Yes, this may be a thirteen-year-old philosophy on love and yes I am aware that the show is scripted, but hey the inspiration had to come from somewhere right?

I’m with the band

Ok, so tonight one of my BIG bucket list items was fulfilled…I was invited on stage to play tambourine with one of my favorite bands during their final song of their set. Love. My. Life.

If you haven’t heard of Churchill, I HIGHLY recommend taking a listen to their latest song, “Change.” The lead female singer has an amazing voice and all of the band members are super talented – think switching from percussion, to mandolin, to electric guitar without a hitch.

Feeling like a total groupie right now. Oh and my hand is wicked sore from smacking the hell out of that tambourine.