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Archive for July, 2012

Spectrum

Looking at the calendar today I can hardly believe that we’re nearing the end of July. I can say this with quite certainty that this has been the best summer of my life. The first half of 2012 almost succeeded in keeping me down – I chose to end a great, but heart-wrenching chapter in my life, struggled with the challenges of a new role at work and forced myself to just be “ok” with being alone. In January I decided that 2012 would be the year of “letting it go” and for a control freak like me, this is a huge feat. I had held onto an image that I had painted in my head and tried to force my heart to playing along. For anyone who’s tried to do the same, I’m sure they’ve also realized that can never work for the long term. I said goodbye to a great love and set out to rediscover who I am and seek out exactly what I wanted in life – on my terms.

Thank God for friends. When I look back on the past six months, it was my friends who got me through the first half of 2012. There was always something to do! A race, a charity event, a dinner, a crazy night out, yoga, concerts, you name it! I threw myself into every activity that presented itself in my direction and worked to live in the moment. I now realize that I need a life of adventure, spontaneity and FUN. I am so blessed to have friends who reminded me that life should be enjoyed – and that we must soak up all the memories we can while we can!

A funny thing happened in the midst of all that playing. I began to enjoy a life without a partner. I realized I didn’t NEED someone else to make me happy and to give me what I need. I am capable of giving myself what I need and I am capable of creating a beautiful life on my own. And then an even funnier thing happened once I began to enjoy this realization – I met someone. Well we didn’t exactly meet for the first time. He had been in my life peripherally for the past three years, but never would I have ever imagined that he’d play a much larger role in my life.

Life cracks me up. The instant I begin to be OK with being alone – he comes dancing into my life. I don’t want to jump to conclusions (for I am known for getting ahead of myself) about this man and I, but one thing that I always always wanted was to feel safe with someone and I trust him with my life – literally.  It’s the most amazing feeling to truly feel safe and secure – especially for someone who’s sought it out for almost 29 years. There’s no judgment, no shame, no guilt, no wishing I was a little bit different, a little more reserved, a little more polished. To him, I am perfect.

I could go on and on about the qualities he possesses that light me up, but instead I’ll leave you all with a Florence and Machine video. I usually use songs help convey an emotion so this is no different. I’m not sure if all the lyrics tie in, but it’s the chorus and passion exuded in this song that illustrates the feeling in my heart.

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